Being born in 1981 I got to see a lot of high school comedy's, particularly the John Hughes films. Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink, and Ferris Buehlers Day Off were my favorites. Other than the dramatic issues (or melodramatic depending on how you look at it), these films depicted high school as a bunch of kids with crazy fashion sense, listening to music in the hallways, constantly having major dance parties, and both guys and girls talking endlessly and lasciviously about having sex.
When I arrived to high school in 1996, I found to my disappointment that none of this was true. Music was never played in the hallways, no one danced except the dance-team, and no one that I knew at least cared if you had or not had sex yet. Oh, and the fashion sense was not as wacky either, everyone either wore Abercrombie & Fich or a sweatshirt that contained our school mascot along with whatever sport they were involved in. Also, no one roller-skated in the hallways, something that was predominant in 80's high school movies.
At the time I thought I went to the most bland and ordinary high school ever. There was no Ducky that dressed goofy and was obsessed with music. No wrestler that just by shouting could break a pane of glass. It was rather disappointing, however, I came to find from my future college friends their high school experience was relatively similar, as I am sure most of you found your high school's to be this way.
However mundane I found my high school, I was at least fortunate enough to not have a it residing next to the local power plant as the students at Troma High in the 1986 Troma produced Class of Nuke 'Em High.
Now, for those of you unfamiliar with Troma, it's an independent film company based in New York that is known for producing intensely, over the top, campy, raunchy violent horror-comedy's. The Toxic Avenger and Tromeo and Juliet are just a few I can rattle off. These films (including this one) are badly acted, poorly scripted, and focus heavily on gore and sex.
Class of Nuke 'Em High could almost be mistaken for a horror film with an underlying message. Whether or not they know it, they touch on the dangers of nuclear energy (there are signs all over the place stating it's clean, safe, and efficient). This film could also be considered a scare tactic used to deter kids from using drugs (we will touch on this in a moment). But no, this film is simply meant to be campy and gross, appealing to a specific type of horror fan. Laced with cock stomps, skull smashing and nudity, directors Loyled Kaufman and Richard Haines are just trying to scare you (or gross you out, whichever comes first).
Getting into the whole nuclear thing, the film begins with a nuclear power plant that has a waste leak and runs into the water supply that's shared by Troma High. Instead of evacuating the school, the plant manager decides to just order a clean-up and not to let anyone know about the devastating accident.
We cut to the school in which the film alternate shots of the toxic sludge getting into the school, while introducing us to the student body. Crazy, wacky 80's kids with their eccentric clothes and Flock of Seagull haircuts. Dewy, the class nerd (and he would be the quintessential nerd from every 80's film, he's got the huge glasses slick backed hair, and equipped with a pocket protector) drinks some water from the bubbler and gobbles down some green shit. Ten minutes later Dewy freaks out in class, jumps out a window and his face melts off.
His death is not exactly mourned by his classmates, nor does anyone question the face-melting, life as it seems in Troma High goes on as normal, except for the Cretins.
This is just one of the many confusing parts of the story. The Cretins, were the former honor society, now turned into a motorcycle gang of punks who look like a cross between the mutants from the Hills Have Eyes and the weird motorcycle gang from Weird Science that break up Garrett and Wyatt's party, also mixed with a bit of the Warriors. If you think I am lying, here are some pics.
It's never discussed how the honor society turns into monstrous assholes, but they apparently rule the school and disobey any type of authority figure. They also love to stomp on crotches, beat up nerds, and take their lunch money.
They are also entrepreneurs (this is the part of the movie that is supposed to make us believe at one point these guys were smart), as they have nice drug dealing business going on for them. Which entails threatening kids to buy their drugs for outrageous prices, (they must have learned in history class about dictatorships and ruling with an iron fist).
The kids hook-up is a worker at the power plant, who grows his own weed without fear of getting caught due to the plant being shut away from the public. However, due to the nuclear leakage that happened prior, the crop has now become toxic soaked weed. The Cretin decide to call is Atomic High.
They sell some to the Warren and Chrissy's friends, who believe that the weed will a.)help Chrissy relax and b.)get Warren laid finely. The first part of the film spends an awful lot of time on why Warren wants to sleep with Chrissy, but waits, and why Chrissy wants to sleep with Warren (they both believe the other is shy).
The whole pressures of losing one's virginity were so open in 80's high school films. In Sixteen Candles Anthony Michael Hall's character is obsessed with being the first of his class to lose it. The Breakfast Club has an entire melodramatic discussion about whether or not it's okay to be a virgin. It's sort of ridiculous when I look back on my high school days. Sure, most guys thought about having sex and wanted to lose their virginity, but it was never openly discussed in the school hallways, nor did friends buy atomic weed to help their buddy get laid.
Nobody really cared and I don't think I ever felt pressure from my friends or the student body to lose my virginity. Their were many ways of being a dork in my high school, being a virgin was not one of them.
In the film you can attribute this logic of thinking (and all other 80's flicks) to the times. In the 1980's, there seemed to be sort of a second sexual revolution going on. The music was was highly danceable and sexual with bands like Duran Duran and Prince helping to promote promiscuity. Plus, I feel the youth might have been revolting against their uptight parents who elected a presidential figure who was really trying to hammer home moral values in our country. The Regan administration really spent a lot of time trying to instill the youth that drugs were bad, rock n' roll was bad, and sex was bad. High school kids are naturally defiant, so they experimented with all of it, if not for anything but to piss off their parents.
ANYWAYS....So, you guessed it Warren and Chrissy smoke the "atomic high" and somehow nuclear material causes Chrissy to become an extremely horny, breast revealing nympho (this side effect of coming into contact with nuclear material has not been proven by scientists). So, they do it..finally.
What's strange is, Dewy comes into contact, and his face melts off, these kids come into contact, and they just decide to fuck? Both kids experience bizarre dreams and Warren decides he is so anti-drug, that he wants to take on The Cretins, "You're not going to poison anyone anymore." (swear to god, this was a line from the film).
From than on the movie becomes more fucked up. Warren has an Incredible Hulk moment where he mutates and actually kills two of the members of The Cretins. When I say kill, it's a pretty light word. If you have a week stomach, or don't like over the top death sequences, you should probably cover your eyes. Warren actually punches his fist into one of the other kids throats! Despite looking fake, your stomach still turns a bit.
The crazy part is, Warren doesn't remember a thing. Not to mention this is the only time of the movie where he mutates. So, no face melting, no more "hulking," in fact the movie basically just stated, all he needed to do was rage, and the toxic shit is out him. If only real life were that easy, everyone would become power plant employees.
Meanwhile, Chrissy gives birth to a ultra ugly toxic baby. The scene was directly ripped off from Alien. Like any good high school girl, she decides the bathroom is a great choice to have a baby. The little bundle of joy is seen swishing around in her stomach and than finally exits through her mouth into a toilet (really, this happened). The little toxic crapper looks like a cross between a piece of shit and the alien from Alien. How Ridley Scott didn't sue is beyond me?
Well, with the little toxic alien flushed down the crapper, you would think life would go on. Nope, it breaks free and finds solace in the Fall Our Shelter (irony?) Where it grows (again, Alien!). Meanwhile, The Cretins leader Spike concocts a plan of revenge against Warren, who is he not positive but is pretty sure is responsible for the death of two of his gang members, (in that scene while Warren wasted the other two, Spike merely gets knocked out).
It's the good guys vs. the bad guys vs the toxic super monster. The remainder of the film get's even more violent and campy, and features the students cheering when the school blows up (spoiler alert).
The only other underlying message I got out of the film was that maybe, the dorks will rise? Typically, the honor society is not composed of members who are psychotic, extremely strong, or who have violent tendencies. Not, it's not discussed why these kids went bad, or if it had anything to do with the "Atomic High," but if it did, why did non of them mutate?
But, this may have been saying that the smart ones can become violent and homicidal, and if that happens, he social pecking order of high school is going to change. This is actually touched on in the remake of 21 Jump Street but in a more humorous and less homicidal approach (although the dorks were the drug dealers in that movie to...hmmm). Maybe instead of worry about your daughter going out with a guy from the football team, parents should be worried about their kid dating the guy getting an "A" in chemistry. The football guys just want to get laid, the nerds want to rule the world, but isn't that what happens in life anyways?
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